So I've been thinking

But first, I should do the whole blogger bloggy thing and tell you *just absolutely everything* about my life (abridged, shortened, and only a very little bit). I have moved back to Muskegon from Kalamazoo. I am saddened slightly by this turn of events because it seems that many people who love me are in Kalamazoo (in point, friends of mine from Kalamazoo have called me many more times than my friends in Muskegon [though I am aware that being married and/or having a child does make a person pretty busy; I would not mind tagging along!]). That is actually the biggest thing I have to say... Plus, the job market is weird and, well, no one has ever hired me on the first (or second) interview. I am the one they call after two or three other people didn't work out. So I'm not employed for more than five hours per week. (Work for family members doesn't really count because it's basically lots of work for little actual money [it's mostly room and board and internet and television].) I'm digging this quasi-self-employed situation, if only it would last for more than the start of next year's school year.

I've been thinking, to recall to the title of the post, about many things. First I reflect (something many many teachers and mentors have been trying to get me to do for a very long time) upon the people I have met in Kalamazoo, and I ponder upon the workings of the world and the character of people in general, and I look at myself and the person I am becoming and who I could become and who I once was.

My friends in Kalamazoo have many similar characteristics - they are people on whom I could always count on, even if something happened and they couldn't help, the thought can count with these folks. I know it would be true (it's not quite like the commercial about the anniversary and the guy didn't get the girl any gifts, he was just trying to save himself...) because I wouldn't have to ask "Why didn't..." I have met many amazing people from that little city with the long name.

On the workings of the world and the character of the general public, the world is a wondrous place and I often find a great amount of beauty in it. (Though this beauty takes many shapes... from a sunrise, to a flower, to a lightning storm, and tornadoes.) I cannot fault the world because the world cannot respond but rather only turn. People, however, can only be judged on a person-by-person basis. The beauty that we are capable of is diminished by the social mores and norms imposed on us by those around us. Have you ever thought of something beautiful to say, for instance... Being thankful for the air you have to breathe, the times that you are in, and the friends you have to share both? Written like this, of course, takes away from the majesty of the sentiment. What I am trying to say is that feelings, emotions, sentiments, things from the very center of your being are often stifled because it sometimes doesn't seem like it should be coming from you... I am capable of so much beauty. [there is more I want to say, but I don't know how to say it]

There are some constants about myself - I will always be one goofy son of a mother (I'm left handed, I can't help it). But it seems to me that the person I was as short as a few weeks ago was much more goofy and blind than the person I am now. Quite often I feel like the little boy who has been let sit at the adults table. I feel I am always screwing up my face trying to think adult thoughts. I look, I (sometimes) act, and I feel like I am seven years younger than I am. I desire to express that which is in my heart without feeling like a fool. Is it that beauty makes everyone uncomfortable? (Beauty has often been the main point of my meditations recently... A theme I seem to recur often.) The person I am is desirous of possibilities though stubborn of which possibilities I want. I have investigated the military and it is a wonderful thing, but it is not what I want (plus I'd have to get a haircut). What I need is someone to kick my butt regularly, and friends to share this schedule, and then an income and Maslow's hierarchy filled. I'm slightly backwards - fulfilling the top before I've eaten, but I've already covered that (see first sentence). But I'm aware that I'll never always get what I want. So I will work towards something do-able. And the person I could be is never better than the person I am when I am playing capoeira in a roda.

I seem to have spoken much, and I fear I have said little. And I have asked myself a question that I believe has no answer... "Who is taken more seriously: the wise man, or the fool?" On the one hand you get a very funny joke and on the other, a harsh criticism of society. I'm not certain which is which.